I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
