yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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