my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
