Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
