He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
