so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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