i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
