I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
