Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize