I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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