This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
