That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
