I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
