roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
