Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
