hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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