I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
