remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Text me some of your sweat
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
