o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize