is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
