barbara walters just said penis...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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