How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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