Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
