I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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