so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize