I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
