Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had to cum in my sink.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
