i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
