I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what day is it and did you see me today?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize