No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
