I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize