you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
