Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
