they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
