They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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