franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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