I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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