He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
