mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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