but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
