I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
