if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
