I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
