You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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