Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
