Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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