i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
