While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
