Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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