Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
