Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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