I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
