All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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