party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
