How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
COCAINE IS GR8
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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