I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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