yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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