Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
