just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize