you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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