I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
