you didnt know i had herpes?
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What a dumb baby whore.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
