My nipple is on Facebook.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
