The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We are all done wearing pants today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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