it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
