ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
