He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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