Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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