: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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