you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
