Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
