I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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