I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
