Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The air was thick with penises
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize