Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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