now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
