I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
