Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
