And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
