Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
