I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
