She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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