I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
