I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
