you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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