i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
