I'm gonna have a badass scar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
