I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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