Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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