i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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