I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
