also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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