i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
